I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize