I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
a search helicopter?!
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
