nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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