How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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