Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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