a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
