i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize