All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
home. puking in laundry basket.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
