You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
