I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
