he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
