She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
