I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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