He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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