He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
