i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i dont even know how to be here
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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