I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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