dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
