it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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