that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
