apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
