Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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