I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
