apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
