Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
