That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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