Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
