Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
