If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
