My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Randomize
