I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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