I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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