I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
