She went from zero to smokin in five shots
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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