God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
