I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
