Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
