just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
