I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
