I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize