My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
