The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
