Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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