I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize