I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
