why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
