he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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