It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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