walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
