They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
nutella sex= disaster
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
