im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
