Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I didn't notice because vodka
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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