Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
