My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
