i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
