i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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