Where is the hickey?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
