Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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