The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
there is glitter all over my balls
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
