Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize