i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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