shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
should my penis look like a turkey
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
