And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
be right there i have to get my cape
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
