You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
