Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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