i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize