Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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