dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
