it's too hot outside to masturbate.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
