God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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