im drinking this country out of the recession.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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