his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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