saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm getting married
To pizza
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
