i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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