Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
