so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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