so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize