it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
