He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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