Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
