he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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