Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
