Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
