90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
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