Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
