dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
