dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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