He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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