You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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