I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize