I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
