he shaved USA in his pubs
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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