everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
