these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
