I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
