I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
