i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize