Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Houston, we have a blender
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
