I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
